“…That was my John Kennedy story.”

“But I do want to emphasize — if I said in an interview that I'm a cultural Anglican, a cultural Christian, it means absolutely nothing as far as religious belief is concerned.”

“Oylem Habe iz a gute zakh/Lernen Toyre iz a beser zakh/Varf avek yeder yokh/Lern Toyre nokh un nokh/Oylem Habe iz a gute zakh.”

"There are lots of incredible people in the industry who aren’t often, if ever, on the public stage. They’re more my black swans than white whales."

“I'd rather drive for you than Lady Gaga."

And I said, "Really?"

"That's like asking: if you're stupid, are you happier? Maybe, but I'm not stupid."

“A fingertip feel for understanding how to appeal to the electorate in the most winning way.“

“I was in my early 30s when 9/11 happened. That's an old guy with his first hit song. But I was still this new kid on the block who had just got used to hearing my song on the radio suddenly performing at MSG with all the living icons of the world.”

“I like what I do. I like the classroom, I like the writing, I like the independence of it, and I like the advocacy role.”

“Once I began criticizing the ideas on the Left and the Democratic Party — for many years I was doing it to try to help them win — but once I started criticizing them around 2008, I was now doing my work in a minefield, and I have to be very careful what I say.”

“Then when I did my first show, everyone was interested in my being raised Orthodox and my marriage and what happened. I didn't know it was a crazy story until I went on stage. It was the thing that made me unique from other standups, I guess.”

“Nobody funnier than Norm McDonald. Nobody funnier.”

“It didn't do Michael a favor that I thought of him as being brilliant, and it didn't do a lot of people a favor that I thought in those terms, least of all myself. And at this point in my life, what's so moving is to reconnect with people who are just wonderful, who I didn't really know or notice enough to even share myself with when I was young. I had wonderful parents, but the unit of measurement was intelligence and originality and an ability to articulate the world as if that made you the master of it…but that, in fact, is not true.”

“But my wine and my whiskey and my cigars, which are the three things I like— I share, I drink, I trade. It’s around friendship, it's around community, it's around enjoyment.”

“I think the hardiness about Swedes compared to Americans is noticeable. Today, I went to do a doctor's visit and it was pouring raining outside. I didn't blink for a minute to walk there.”

“Dave Letterman was the person who inspired in me the love of the art of the jousting match, the wrestling ring, the parry and the dance of an adversarial but lighthearted comedic interview.”

“San Francisco is not like any other city. We're coming all the way back, full stop. We are coming back and we're coming all the way back.”

“No, I definitely am not writing to make any political point. I'm writing to clarify a situation that may well have a political consequence. But I'm not writing for the Revolution.”

“It's this very strange experience where when you're on the road you want to be home and then when you get home, you immediately want to be on the road again.“

“When you first leave religion, a lot of atheists go through a phase of being very upset and angry…”