Interview with Lindsey Metselaar
Contents
Lindsey Metselaar the host of the We Met At Acme podcast.
Don’t Expect Salads or Kombucha
Max Raskin: I wanted to start with your morning routine – do you sleep through the night without checking your phone?
Lindsey Metselaar: Yes. So, surprisingly, I do sleep through the night without checking my phone, unless I can't sleep because I'm thinking of ideas for my career or podcast or like a nice thing to do for a friend that I need to write down in my notes. Otherwise, I totally sleep through the night.
But as someone whose business is primarily on their phone, the first thing I do in the morning is look at my phone. It's so funny – I always hear people say they meditate and then they like drink kombucha and then they pray and then they look at their phone. No – I look at my phone right away. What if I miss something huge, you know?
MR: What’s the first thing you look at when you check your phone?
LM: I probably will look at my texts first because that's the first thing that comes up. I don’t have notifications for Instagram. Do you?
MR: I don’t have an Instagram page.
LM: Well, there you go. I don't have notifications for Instagram because it's too stressful, so I’ll look at my texts or calls and then I will likely go to email and then go to Instagram.
MR: Do you meditate?
LM: I don't meditate. I've learned to be okay with the fact that I don't meditate because it's such a buzzword and such a buzz topic. It's not something that I've been able to do well. I think one day meditation is in the cards for me, but right now it's not the time.
“The Most Embarrassing Thing About Me”
MR: What about screen time? Do you have the screen time notification on your iPhone?
LM: I don't even think there's a way to turn that off anymore – I think it's just part of the iPhone – and let me tell you – it’s an abomination. My screen time is probably my biggest weakness or most embarrassing thing about me.
MR: Want to share how much you are on it?
LM: I'm gonna say it's anywhere between 10 and 12 hours a day, which is disturbing.
MR: Why do you think it’s disturbing?
LM: I think it's disturbing because it's a lot of time spent on a phone and not being more present in life. But I think in a time like the pandemic there's nothing to be present for. Before the pandemic I would go to a coffee chat with somebody, and my phone would be in my pocket the whole time. But now those coffee chats are on Zoom and there's never a moment where you're not on technology.
MR: You have an Instagram page @dontexpectsalads that’s just for the food you like and it’s not salads. Is the thought that you get the food and then take the picture, or do you get the food with the intent of taking the picture of it?
LM: So first of all, the thought is that phone eats first – I don’t know if you’ve heard that.
MR: That’s funny.
LM: The thought is that I’m getting food that I like and I’m gonna take a picture of it if it looks appetizing.
But ironically, I actually have a salad that I like that I'm actually getting tonight for dinner. But that I wouldn't photograph because a salad to me just isn't pretty.
MR: Do you snack during the day?
LM: I try not to. I try to have really fulfilling meals throughout. But every now and then I'll have candy or fruit.
MR: What kind of candy do you like?
LM: I love Blow Pops.
MR: At what point do you start chewing them?
LM: Not for a while. I like to keep them as long as I can and have it last. The gum isn't the best part really.
MR: What about fruits?
LM: I love oranges. And I love blackberries and blueberries and strawberries. Basically all berries.
MR: Is there any fruit that you don't like?
LM: I actually have an allergy to apples and bananas.
MR: What happens when you eat an apple or banana?
LM: My face blows up. It’s disastrous.
MR: How good are you at multitasking?
LM: Unbelievable. I have this theory that women can multitask amazingly, and men cannot multitask for shit.
MR: You can jampack 24 or 48 hours into a regular day?
LM: Correct.
MR: Was this always the case?
LM: No, no. I used to be a lot lazier. I used to smoke a lot of weed and avoid work a lot of the time. But now I'm working all the time, especially because when you work for yourself, if you're not working for like an hour, that's on you.
Love Actually
MR: What were your most-played songs from last year on your Spotify?
LM: Taylor Swift, obviously – “Invisible String.” I also had a moment with “One Last Time,” which is from Hamilton. The third is “Betty,” which is another Taylor Swift song. I'm obviously a huge Swifty.
MR: Do you watch television shows you’ve seen before?
LM: I don't really re-watch TV, except for Sex in the City. But I will watch Love Actually around the holidays because it has a certain nostalgia or something.
MR: Did you play an instrument growing up?
LM: I did – I played the piano.
MR: Were you good?
LM: I like to think I was good. My mom would say that I should have kept going because I could have been better – but I thought I was good.
MR: Did they pressure you to do any other activities?
LM: Piano was the only thing I felt like I was really pressured to do.
MR: My mom tried to make me learn violin.
LM: That's a tough one. I feel like I would be super resentful – when are you going to whip out a violin? It’s not like you can go to someone's house and just see a violin and start playing it. At least with the piano I can flex on people.
MR: What’s your go-to song to flex on people?
LM: “Für Elise.”
MR: How far can you get into it?
LM: Not far, but usually by the time I can't do any more, no one's paying attention. I could do like 45 seconds.
MR: What's the restaurant that you order the most from?
LM: Probably Shake Shack.
MR: Do you have a regular order?
LM: Shack burger, fries, and a black-and-white milkshake.
MR: How often do you get that?
LM: Probably once a week.
MR: What about snacks?
LM: I’m obsessed with Deep River potato chips. They're just the best potato chip. They're made in sunflower oil and I have some nut allergies, so this is really good for me.
MR: What flavor?
LM: I actually like regular – sea salt.
MR: What do you drink during the day?
LM: I drink diet Coke and water. I’m a big water drinker.
MR: How much water do you drink a day?
LM: I have this S’well bottle, and I probably fill it up at least four to six times a day.
MR: What about coffee?
LM: I don’t drink coffee – I never have. When I was younger, I was really gullible and my dad told me it would stunt my growth – I never drank coffee. Then when I got older, I saw how addicted people were to coffee and I was like, “Well if I'm not a fan now, then why start?”
MR: What did you study in college?
LM: I studied communications –specifically film and television in the communication school at BU.
MR: When you’re giving advice on psychology, how do you know what’s the right advice to give?
LM: I think I do it really based on my own experience. I try to be like the big sister when it comes to dating advice because I tell someone as if they were my younger sister. “This is what I did.” “This is what didn't work.” As opposed to saying, “This is what all people should do.” It really is just speaking from experience.
MR: Have you ever given advice that you’ve later regretted?
LM: No, I wouldn't say that I regret anything. I've just changed my advice over the years based on my relationships I'm in at the time. Maybe if I was in a less healthy relationship, my advice would be less healthy.
MR: Do you read a lot?
LM: I read very often.
MR: What do you read?
LM: I love murder books.
MR: What kind of murder books do you like?
LM: All different kinds, but mostly a twist-at-the-end murder book.
MR: Do you like Agatha Christie?
LM: No. I like more of the book club books.
MR: What do you like about them?
LM: I really like the fact that they're so captivating and interesting. I just love the idea of playing detective and trying to guess which person did what – just the fun of it. When I read I want it to be fun. I don't want to read like a history book or something from the past that already happened. I like these creative made-up stories.
MR: When you read your books do you read them as books?
LM: That's a great question. I read it in a physical book, and that's so important to me. I would hate having a Kindle because that's just another form of technology. Whereas when I'm reading, I like to turn off and actually hold something in my hand.
Inbox (Mostly) Zero
MR: Where do you get your news from?
LM: I usually will listen to like The Daily or I'm also subscribed to theSkimm.
MR: It felt like the first day of Spring was a couple of days ago. What did you do that day?
LM: I just walked a lot. I think walking is so cathartic. I remember I walked that day from like 75th Street to Union Square, and it was really nice.
MR: Are you on your phone when you walk?
LM: No. That's another time I'm off my phone, which is great. I'll usually listen to music though.
MR: Will you listen to a podcast when you walk?
LM: Sometimes. It's hard for me to find an episode I'm really interested in. But if there is one, then I will listen.
MR: Have you ever been hit by a car when you’re walking?
LM: Almost – because I’m on my phone so often. I have almost been hit by a car, a biker.
MR: What are you doing on your computer right now as we’re talking?
LM: I’m answering emails.
MR: Is that how you do your to-do list?
LM: My to-do list starts with emails. If I can get my inbox to zero that’s a huge win. I feel like inbox zero people always date inbox 10,000 people.
MR: Do you get a lot of fan mail?
LM: Yes and no. A lot of people will write in and say they're fans of the podcast, but then they usually have a question. Every now and then there'll be someone who just altruistically wants to tell us how much they love the podcast, and that's really wonderful.
Dreams, Not Naps
MR: When do you go to bed generally?
LM: I used to go to bed pretty early – at like 11. And now I go to bed probably closer to one or two.
MR: Do you nap during the day?
LM: No, I'm actually very anti-nap.
MR: Why are you so anti-nap?
LM: I just think that it messes with your sleep at night.
MR: Churchill took a lot of naps – he won World War II.
LM: Interesting. I mean my boyfriend and my dad nap, but it's just not for me.
MR: You’re anti-it for you, not on principle anti-nap?
LM: Exactly.
MR: What about dreams?
LM: What about them?
MR: Do you dream?
LM: I do dream. I dream so much. When I used to smoke weed, I didn't dream. And ever since I quit almost three years ago, I've been having very vivid dreams.
MR: Do you take your dreams seriously?
LM: That's a good question. I do to a certain extent. I think our dreams are our subconscious. So if I have a dream that I'm pregnant, it probably means that I'm thinking about having a baby at some point.
MR: Will you write down your dreams?
LM: Not often because I'll remember them. But if I feel like I don't want to forget this then yeah, I'll write it down.
MR: But you won't then go and analyze them afterwards?
LM: Yeah, exactly. I mean I'll sometimes Google if I have a recurring dream that like I'm falling off a cliff. I'll Google “falling off a cliff dream.” What does this mean?
MR: Do you have any recurring dreams?
LM: I'm not gonna lie to you, most of my dreams recently have been about marriage and babies because I think that's the next step.
MR: Do you distinguish between the literal and the latent content of the dream?
LM: You never know . . . it could be about something else.
MR: You don’t dig any deeper than necessary?
LM: Exactly.
Dr. Ruth, Israeli Sniper
MR: Are there any people that appeal to you like Dr. Ruth?
LM: I have so many inspirations. Dan Savage is definitely interesting to me. I think Esther Perel is really interesting and has really good insight. Dr. Ruth as well is a legend.
MR: She was a sniper in the Israeli army. She’s still alive.
What about religion?
LM: I am Jewish, but I’m not super religious.
MR: Your parents are Jewish?
LM: My parents are Jewish, yeah.
MR: Do you believe in God?
LM: I believe in a higher power.
MR: I noticed you talk a lot about astrology. What’s your symbol?
LM: My sign is Libra. What is yours?
MR: I'm a Pisces. That's March.
LM: Okay, that makes sense.
MR: It does.
I'm just kidding. I'm an Aries. But it's good that a Pisces makes sense.
LM: Wow. Okay, well, I have to tell you, I was gonna say if you're a Pisces, then you must have some sort of rising and moon sign that’s fire because you definitely have the fire in you that’s for sure.
MR: Have you ever been to Israel?
LM: I have – twice.
MR: What do you think about it?
LM: I think it's amazing.
Chickens Don’t Have Fingers
MR: Where's your favorite place to go on vacation?
LM: I love to go to Anguilla. I can't say that I get to go often, but whenever I have before, it's been the best.
MR: What's your favorite food to eat there?
LM: Chicken fingers.
MR: Chicken fingers in Anguilla!?
LM: Oh yeah. Chicken fingers everywhere.
MR: You like chicken fingers?
LM: Oh, love.
MR: Where are your favorite chicken fingers from?
LM: In the city or Anguilla?
MR: In the whole world.
LM: I have to tell you the truth, which is that the best chicken fingers in the whole world are at Madison Square Garden during a Knick game.
MR: Are you a Knicks fan?
LM: I am, which is unfortunate.
MR: Yeah, no bueno. Have you always been a Knick fan?
LM: I have.
MR: What was your favorite Knicks team? Do you remember the night that Larry Johnson hit the four-point play?
LM: Vaguely. My favorite was in the Allan Houston days in the ‘90s.
It’s so funny that you said Pisces but you are Aries. That’s so an Aries thing to do.
MR: I’m actually a Pisces.
LM: Well make up your mind!
MR: I know, I know. It’s just funny that way.
Where is your favorite neighborhood in New York?
LM: The best neighborhood in New York is Greenwich Village.
MR: Do you remember having a favorite restaurant growing up?
LM: My favorite restaurant growing up was probably Serafina. I loved the pizza there.
MR: Where's your favorite pizza slice in the city right now?
LM: Are we talking classic New York-style or Neapolitan?
MR: Classic New York slice.
LM: Probably Joe’s.
MR: On Carmine?
LM: Yes, but any Joe’s.
MR: What about Neapolitan?
LM: I would say probably Mezzaluna.
MR: Do you like Italy?
LM: Love Italy.
MR: Do you like the Renaissance?
LM: Sure.
MR: That’s a stupid question.
Do you care about airline points?
LM: Yeah, I think they’re really important. But my dad is in the travel business so I’m very lucky. He runs a travel agency.
MR: Does he like to travel?
LM: He loves to travel.
Brushing, Not Flossing
MR: You answer questions while you’re doing two things. It’s like parallel computing. I’ve never had someone like this.
LM: I hope that’s a good thing.
MR: It’s fascinating.
Do you know you answer questions like this? Has anyone ever said this to you?
LM: No, I guess they haven't.
MR: What kind of guests do you like having on your program?
LM: I like guests who are willing to be open and honest and really tell their truth when it comes to dating instead of just acting like everything is great.
MR: What's your tip for making people comfortable in an interview?
LM: I think it's all about delivery and the way that you ask questions, and I think you can get away with a lot if you somehow tactfully ask the hard questions.
MR: I think that’s right.
Do you floss?
LM: I don’t – it’s really bad.
MR: You brush your teeth every day?
LM: Yeah – of course.
MR: Twice a day?
LM: Twice a day.
MR: Mechanical or electric?
LM: Mechanical. I actually don't think electric is as effective even though a dentist would tell you otherwise.
MR: Why do you think that?
LM: I just think I do a better job than an electric toothbrush could do.
MR: Do you like your dentist?
LM: I love my dentist. My dentist is one of my best friends, actually.
MR: How old is your dentist?
LM: She's 28.
MR: How did you find her?
LM: We went to college together.
MR: Is it weird being friends with your dentist? Will she tell you if you have cavities?
LM: She will. She actually recently filled a cavity of mine.
MR: Does she give you gas?
LM: She does not because it’s not painful because she’s so good at what she does.
MR: Do you want to recommend her?
LM: Yeah – Sheila Monahemi – she’s amazing.
Death and Roses
MR: Do you have any fears?
LM: I think I’m kind of afraid of death. When I think about it, I get really scared.
MR: What about it scares you?
LM: Just the idea that you cease to have thoughts.
MR: What's the closest you've ever been to dying?
LM: Probably driving when I used to drive high.
MR: What's your favorite flower?
LM: I don't know enough about flowers so I'm gonna go with roses, which is a safe answer.
MR: Do you like beans?
LM: Not really. Not a huge bean person.
MR: Do you like chickpeas?
LM: I'll eat them, but I wouldn't make them.
MR: Do you like hummus?
LM: I love hummus.
MR: Do you like yogurt?
LM: I love yogurt. I have yogurt every morning for breakfast.
MR: What kind of yogurt?
LM: I like Stonyfield yogurt.
Howard
MR: Do you go to therapy?
LM: I love therapy.
MR: How often do you go?
LM: I try to go once a week, but I don't usually go as often as I'd like.
MR: What kind of therapy do you like?
LM: DBT – it’s dialectic behavioral therapy or cognitive behavioral therapy – they’re both great.
MR: Who would you like to interview?
LM: Howard Stern.
MR: Have you ever met him?
LM: No, never. I've only seen him. But I've never spoken to him.
MR: What would you ask Howard Stern?
LM: “What's the secret to being a great interviewer?”
MR: What do you think it is?
LM: I think not being afraid to probe.
MR: Do you think you can crack anyone?
LM: No, but I could try.
MR: How would you crack you?
LM: You definitely would have to know me to crack me, but maybe by talking about my past pain or trauma I've been through. I think to crack me we have to be friends. It’s really hard for me to open up to just anybody.
MR: Stern is not really friends with a lot of people.
LM: Yeah, but he’s known by a lot of people, so it seems like he is.
MR: Do you think people go on the show thinking it’s a test for them?
LM: I think they know they are going to be asked the tough questions.
MR: Do you want to have a similar type show?
LM: That would be amazing.
MR: Do you like probing?
LM: I do.
MR: It’s a little sadistic, right?
LM: A little bit.
MR: Is there anything on the Internet that you're embarrassed of that you wish was taken down?
LM: Probably anything that I’ve done before being sober.
MR: When did you become sober?
LM: 2018.
MR: Do you do AA?
LM: I am associated with help in some way, shape, or form – but I do not disclose that information – it is anonymous.
MR: Do you feel like you exist virtually in some sense?
LM: Yeah, that makes sense. I think when you have so much content online, you inevitably exist virtually.
MR: There’s this documentary called Deadline Artists about Pete Hamill and Jimmy Breslin. The interviewer was asking Hamill what it was like to date Jackie Kennedy. Hamill responds with this Márquez quote, “Everyone has three lives: a public life, a private life, and a secret life.” I guess my question to you is that if you have such a blurred line between a public and a private life, you must have to have a large space for having a secret life?
LM: I think everyone has a secret part of them, but that doesn't mean it's negative or bad.
MR: No, no, no – I’m not putting a negative valence on it at all.
Having to reveal so much of yourself online – does that get exhausting?
LM: I don't think so. I think it's very much something that's aligned with who I am – it doesn’t feel forced.
MR: You're not afraid to say unpopular things online?
LM: Not at all.
MR: What's something that you've gotten a lot of shit for?
LM: It's something as simple as me saying that you don't have to send a thank you text after a first date.
MR: Has anyone ever sent you real hate mail?
LM: I've gotten lots of hate mail.
MR: Have you gotten death threats?
LM: No – not yet. But things have teetered around that.
MR: Have you had any stalkers?
LM: No. Knock on wood.
MR: But no death threats?
LM: No death threats that I’m aware of.
MR: I wonder what Stern would ask you.
LM: Honestly, he probably would ask me . . . but I'm not saying this because I want to be asked, so please don't ask me . . .
MR: I’m not going to ask you.
LM: But knowing him from what I know about him, he would be like, “So you give dating advice, you give sex advice – do you think you're good at sex?” Don't you think that's something that he would ask?
MR: Yeah, he would ask something vulgar, but I think it would be to disarm you to ask the really penetrating question.
LM: Possibly.
MR: I think this is perfect. Thank you so much for doing this.
LM: Of course. Thank you for all the questions. It's amazing that you didn't run out. You asked so many.